Monday, October 26, 2009

All the Things That Haunt Me

Ghosts album cover
In brainstorming ideas for the NaBloPoMo October blogging theme of  haunted I came up with a list of things that truly do haunt me.  Before I get to the list, let me begin by defining what I mean when I say I am haunted.  The word haunt has many meanings, but the two definitions I am focused on in this post are:  
  • being excessively and compulsively concerned about something.  
  • showing emotional affliction or disquiet.  
I would not go as far as to suggest that the following items are ones I wring my hands over or ones that drowned me in emotional turmoil.  I do admit they are things I spent time thinking about with tinges of wonderment, worry, disquietude and consideration.  As I review this list, I know there are things on it that I can do something about and be proactive.  Others I just need to accept.  Some I need to learn lessons from and resolve myself not to repeat these thoughts and actions.  A few are just threads in the fabric of this mysterious and wonderful life, part of the human experience.

So without further ado, my list of things I am haunted by:
  • I am haunted by my many illnesses.
  • I am haunted by my lack of a normal functioning family, lovingly described as the "Family Curse" by my Aunt Sandy.
  • I am haunted by "what if's?"
  • I am haunted by the idea of past lives and reincarnation.
  • I am haunted by my mistakes; not the little, everyday ones but the big, I'm-red-in-the-face, I-can't-believe-I-did-that ones.
  • I am haunted by Death.  By then, aren't we all...
  • I am haunted by the illusion of time.  It feels like we all have less then we want and yet we find ways to waste it more than we should!
  • I am haunted the hopes, dreams and plans I had when I was younger that have gotten left out and left behind as I have gotten older.
  • I am haunted by a critical inner voice.
  • I am haunted by perfectionism.
  • I am haunted by my choice to focus five years on taking care of my ill and dying parents instead of pursuing my desire to start a family of my own.
  • I am haunted by the wreckage of the past, both my personal past and the collective human past.
  • I am haunted by health concerns as I get older.  For example: Will I get Alzheimer's Disease like my father or colon cancer like my mother?  Will I have a heart attack or stroke like my grandparents?
  • I am haunted by the desire to live up to this poem:

To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty,
To find the best in others,
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.

So what are some of the thing that haunt you?  Leave me a comment and let me know.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

Creative Commons License

Like this post? Then please...

Submit it to your favorite social sites.

Share it with PrintFriendly alternatives.

Print Friendly and PDF
Related Posts with Thumbnails

Reply to this post