The Anniversary Effect

Image by N-ino via Flickr

Today is the fifth anniversary of the trip-and-fall accident that changed my life. Five years ago I began my new life with invisible, chronic, disabling illnesses. Because of what happened five years ago, I now write this blog, Oh My Aches and Pains! my life ... with chronic illness.

Psychologists note: The original feelings and reactions to the event often re-emerged on the anniversary. With joyful events, such as births and weddings, the anniversaries are often times of celebrations. But with traumatic experiences ... an anniversary can be a difficult and painful time.

I reflect today on the past five years and these are my thoughts:

• I continue to be amazed at the fact that a trip-and-fall accident could totally and completely change my life.
  
• I can't help but wonder with amazement and disappointment at the fact that my symptoms have not improved in five years.
  
• I acknowledge that in the past five years I have learned how to better adapt to and better cope with my illnesses, but I am not "better" and I still want to be "better."
  
• I also realize that, in five years, I have forgotten what it feels like to live without chronic and severe pain and fatigue. I can not remember what it is like to be "normal" and I still want to be "normal."

Yes, it's a painful and difficult time, this fifth anniversary. So just for today, I will stop and spend some time grieving my losses. Then tomorrow I will resume my quest to learn how to live my best life despite chronic illness.

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