Oh My Aches and Pains!: Each Has Their Suffering

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Each Has Their Suffering

Have compassion for all beings, rich and poor alike; each has their suffering. Some suffer too much, others too little.

~~ Buddha

Despite my best intentions to distract myself from my reality, I am blanketed by my chronic pain. Chronic pain is my constant and daily companion, so much so that I can not remember what my life was like without it. So I've decided to stop struggling, just accept it and try to live my best life despite it. Lately I have wondered if I will live the rest of my life in chronic pain.

Looking back, I see that I spent the first three year in chronic pain trying to "fix it" and "fight it." Back then I hardly noticed how struggling against my chronic pain crushed my world up into a tiny, tight ball---like when you crumple a piece of paper. After a while I started to realize I was getting nowhere. I finally starting asking myself, "How do I want to live my life with chronic pain?" I accepted that the treatments had failed to return me to my good health and that I was living with a obstinate and defiant condition. I decided I didn't want to live my life crunched up in a ball.

Yes, I suffer from chronic pain. What suffering means to me is that each day I abide it, I bear it, I endure it, my body sustains it, I learn to tolerate it, I experience it, I feel it, I know it and I struggle to accept it. I know now that there is no guarantee that it will ever be taken away. All I can do is train my mind to step back from my physical pain and not allow my spirit to be dragged down into it. So each day I take small steps towards smoothing out the crumpled ball of my life and finding some colors, textures and words to cover the crinkled paper.

I've come a long way in five years, so much so that perhaps I can consider some new explanations for my chronic pain:

Perhaps it is a challenge, to spur me on to transcend my suffering and use it to bolster my inner growth.
Perhaps it is the fertilizer to help grow my character in strength and depth.
Perhaps it will spur me on to provide good deeds that enhance the welfare and happiness of others so that I enjoy future good health per the law of karma.
Perhaps it is just a reminder that life is suffering.