Monday, August 3, 2009

Tomorrow I Will See What Has Been Done

lotus boxImage by ballookey via Flickr

I never see what has been done; I only see what remains to be done. ~The Buddha

I identify with this quote just a little too much and I think this is a problem. Living with chronic illness, it seems like there is so much I haven't done. I feel frustrated when I see all the undone projects that surround me in my home.

I used to be a type A person before chronic illness---I was a woman on a mission and I got things done. Now, well, it takes so long most of the time to get the simplest things checked off my "to do" list that I've seriously considered giving up on a "to do" list ... almost. Right now I am just not looking at it that often to avoid feeling despair.

Yesterday I set a goal of six things to do. As I write this post, I have accomplished three. I swapped a fourth item with doing some laundry when I realized I was running low on clean clothes. That's allowed, right? If that counts, then I accomplished four things today.

But instead of celebrating my accomplishments, I am embarrassed by my shortcomings. I think that you, my reader, will judge me negatively for my failure to complete six simple things. Really, though, it is my inner critic that is comparing my current self with my past self. Intellectually, I know that this is not a fair comparison. I am a very different person today than I was just 5 years ago. I don't compare favorable with how I was 5 years ago and the healthiest thing for me to do is just let this go.

So, tomorrow, I will celebrate what I am able to do and what I am able to get done.

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