Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Distracting Myself During an MRI with the Best Recent News Story

Sliding into the MRI machine

I need something to take my mind off the MRI I am going to have later this afternoon.

"You are going to have an MRI?" my friend Cyndie repeated when I told her last week. "Those MRIs are expensive! Are you driving up the cost of medicine with your MRI?" she questioned.

She should know about the high cost of medical care ... she works for a large health insurance company with an office in Warner Center.

"I am having the MRI to avoid having surgery, Cyndie," I explained.

"Oh," she replied and then changed the subject.

Trust me, if I could avoid another MRI I would. I hate them. That small tube, the loud noise, the confinement in a huge machine all makes me claustrophobic. Since it is magnet based there is little radiation exposure, but honestly I prefer x-rays and CT scans. I wish I could find a location that has those newer generation model MRI machines with the new and improved larger tube, but an MRI machine is not something that you replace just because they have a new model.

So my strategy for this afternoon is bringing my husband along with me, listen to my MP3 player in the waiting room, taking a Xanax before the test and having said husband hold my foot while I am inside the machine. Oh, and thinking about the things a man in England says in his sleep every night.

I hardly ever watch the news because all the hype, sensationalism and just plain gloom and doom reporting. Honestly, the news just gets my all riled up because my brain gets too overloaded with information. I guess I have the fibromyalgia and dysautonomia to thank that for this. But with the six day long rain storm last week, I turned on the television just to get some storm updates. That's when I heard a funny story about a guy in England with an American wife who talks in his sleep almost every night. His wife decided to post his outbursts on a blog, Sleep Talkin Man, and the blog went viral last week.

Robert was the first to find it and started reading my quotes from the blog that evening. I went for a look my self and found these gems:

"My badger's gonna unleash hell on your ass. Badgertastic!"

"Badger tickling: proceed with caution"

"No, not the cats. Don't trust them. Their eyes. Their eyes. They know too much."

"I can't control the kittens. Too many whiskers! Too many whiskers!"

"Don't leave the duck there. It's totally irresponsible. Put it on the swing, it'll have much more fun.

"Big pig. Massive oink. Little curly tail."

"Monkey power! Straight from the jungle."

"You can't be a pirate if you haven't got a beard. I said so. MY boat, MY rules."

"Legs time! Everybody get your legs!"

"Don't... Don't put the noodles and the dumplings together in the boat. They'll fight! The noodles are bullies. Poor dumplings."

"I haven't put on weight. Your eyes are fat."

"Elephant trunks should be used for elephant things only. Nothing else."

"I don't want to die! I love sex. And furry animals."

"Look out! Marshmallows!"

I plan to have these words floating through my head while I have my MRI today. Once again I am going to try and use distraction to get me through a difficult situation. Let's see if I am successful...

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