With Each New Diagnosis...

Image via Wikipedia
Today I realized what all these diagnoses of the various and numerous illnesses and diseases my body has had truly represent.

It struck me today how they symbolize the multitude of little deaths I have experienced in my life:

• The death of innocence.
• The death of invulnerability.
• The death of healthy.
  
• The death of normal.
  
• The death of plans and dreams.
  

In the novel that is my life, they are the antagonists that plague and torture me. They cause crisis and stir up trouble. They take away little bits of me and leave me forlorn and wanting. They bring about the ending to so many promising yet unfinished chapters. They are the demise of so many different versions of my character.

And yet, no matter how many times they break my heart, somehow each day I rise and face their challenges.

Admist the flames of the fire that each new diagnosis starts, I face new truths, learn new lessons, and stretch and expand beyond my former limits.

From the ashes I appear, reborn, stronger and fiercer that the last time. Each time I burn, my plummage gets more brilliant, with shades of deep purple, scarlett, green and blue. My tail is now solid gold and the song I sing is more beautiful and haunting than ever before.

I am the phoenix--for with each diagnosis I die just a little, and yet, with each diagnosis I am also reborn.

Such are the mysteries of life, my friends, such are the mysteries of life.