My Advice: Pick Your Battles

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I got a reminder today of the importance of making good choices. Like deciding that life is too short to fight every battle that comes your way. Yes, today I got a refresher course on the saying 'Pick your battles' ...

Apparently, I committed a faux paus with an acquaintance and got read the riot act via email. I knew I didn't cause her any real harm and making a mistake in this situation truly wasn't a big deal. I tried to apologize and explain my position in a short, sweet and polite response, but it was clear she just wanted to be outraged and indignant about my mistake.

So I just deleted the email and left it at that.

The wiser I get to life, the more I realize that there are just a lot of people, situations and objects that aren't worth getting worked up about or worth fighting over. These fall roughly into the following categories:

1. Circumstances I can't do anything about or I have no control over.
2. Affairs that are none of my business.
3. Stuff that is truly 'no big deal' when compared to really important things in my life like my health, my relationships and my core values.
4. Incidents that just need to be let go of, because engaging in a conflict over them just isn't worth it.
5. Disagreements that can't be solved by arguing about them.
6. Challenges and provocations presented by others that don't deserve a fight, or even a response, from me.
7. Situations were fighting over opinions, or whether one is right and the other person wrong, just doesn't matter.
   

What can I say? I am working on letting all the trials, tribulations and turmoil around me roll like water droplets off a duck's back. With so many real, big and important things to concern myself with, I just don't need to get sucked up into other people's drama.

Perhaps Dale Carnegie said it best:

"Any fool can criticize, complain, condemn, and most fools do. Picking your battles is impressive and fighting them fairly is essential".

How do you decide which battles to fight and which to walk away from? Do you think this gets easier with age or maturity? What is your best advice on how to pick your battles?

Selena Writes: I Am Not My Chronic Illnesses

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I recently read an excellent blog post over at The Queen of Optimism entitled Want to empower? Learn what “People First” means.

When I got done reading this post I said to myself, 'Wow, I didn't know what "People First" meant!"  But upon further reflection, I recognized the I have been using this language for at least 18 years ... I just didn't know it was called "People First" language.

Want me to prove it to you?

In my post A Story in 140s: Persons Living with Fibromyalgia (PWFs) I used "People First" language.

Since this realization, I have been thinking about all the ways that I refer to myself in relation to all my chronic illnesses and all the "nicknames" people use to refer to themselves and others living with specific chronic illnesses. I wrote some of these labels and nicknames down:

You might call me a...	But if I am a person first, you'd say...
Cancer survivor	I am a person who had cancer.
Diabetic	I am a person who lives with diabetes.
HepCat	I am a person who lives with Hepatitis C.
Fibromite	I am a person who lives with fibromyalgia.
POTSy	I am a person who lives with dysautonomia.
Spoonie, ChronicBabe	I am a person who lives with chronic illness.

So do you see the difference?

The Queen said it best:

"Defining a person primarily by a disorder they have and using dated terminology that is condescending limits a persons’ other characteristics and does the opposite of empower. It puts people in a corner figuratively and some times literally. It implies we are not equal. It’s limiting language. Every person, with or without a disability, is a person first and foremost so call them a person with…”

That's right! I am not cancer, diabetes, Hepatitis C, fibromyalgia, dysautonomia or chronic illness. My illnesses are not me.

My illness experiences are just that, experiences. They are not what I think, what I feel and what I do. They are not who I am. I am Selena first, living a life with chronic illness second.

Love them? Hate them? Just don't care? What do you think about illness nicknames? Click the Add Your Comment button and speak you mind...